grow things with a black thumb

beginning with useful things:
give up on veggies, focus on two plants that compliment the cooking kitchen - italian or french.

top to bottom: thyme, organic basil

no worrying about insects or constant care, mother nature can take care of these until the winter.

david austin roses

 

roses can be a daring adventure but not if you plan correctly.  buy them from a reputable place - they will know which are best and hardy enough for your climate zone, what's best for your purposes (hedges, climbing, or ground cover) and may have a 1 year guarantee! 

the hardest part is picking a location - the right soil will be loose enough for the short roots of roses and can be tilled easily.  it will also get plenty of sun, plenty of light...and plenty of deer??

hopefully not.

avoid being 'that girl' at reunion

 

 i love my high school.  

i love going to reunions - the atmosphere of awkwardness, pubescent glances, but don't forget the giddiness!  i dumped an entire plate of food on my best friend.

so here's some tips to maximize those few hours before everyone gets too drunk too fast and realizes that they aren't as young as they used to be:

* always bring a friend.  probably someone who has a similar goal in mind (there are a few competing ones: mate hunting, ex-shunning, networking, aggressive networking, or like us, just ensuring our progeny have a fighting chance of surviving the admissions process).

* eat, yes.  especially like me, if you can't drink and they won't give you a discount on the ticket, resist the impulse to be fabulously tardy and go early to make sure you can eat something without having to talk to people with a mouth full of food.

* look happy.  or your picture will never be in the alumni magazine.  diversity is a plus.

* practice a pleasant smile.  you will need to glue it to your face while walking around with unfocused eyes.  

* say hello to everyone.  think you'll recognize most people 15 years out?  but that doesn't mean you get a pass, no no no.  let's leave the drama behind, and greet everyone.  after all, isn't it nice to leave high school behind you?  and you can always make fun of the ones who were freaked out by your non-bitchiness/new-found straightness later!

catch a mouse (a choose your own adventure)

so sorry to hold you captive (my squeamish friends all seem to find my glee strange)
but hopefully you are here because you care about furry animals and need help with keeping your home yours.

*** spoiler alert ***

we caught a mouse in this couch.  it had grabbed an ant trap and was gnawing on it inside.  

yes.  inside the couch.

the next day we caught another mouse.  then two months later we caught two more.  

so four, maybe five, total mice.

BEGIN ADVENTURE:  

enter mouse.  you see the telltale signs - either a nest, droppings or the fleeing tail.

#1:  a: you do nothing.

OR b: you move/ burn down the house.

OR c: you vomit in your mouth while you clean up the turds, then go get mickey.  go to #2.

#2:  a: you think that the only good mouse is a dead mouse.  buy kill traps.

OR b: you see the mouse as a tourist that just needs a point in the right direction.  go to #3.

#3:  a: you seal off any cracks in your house that are more than 1/4 inch in size and clean up clutter.  but then you think, hey we're all god's creatures and decide to co-habitate.  your adventure ends. 

OR b: you seal cracks, tidy up and decide to prevent future guests.  go to #4.

 #4: a: in order to get to the sighting area, you have to traverse the jungle into a room that gives you the heebeejeebies.  buy a kill trap.

OR b: in order to get to the sighting area, you walk in, turn on the light, and open the treasure chest (ie. kitchen drawer).  buy a sticky trap and go to #5.   

#5:  a: you hear a noise!  it's probably around 10pm.  go to #6.

OR b: you don't hear a noise, but it's around 10pm, so you go check.  go to #6.

OR c: you may or may not have heard a noise, but decide to go sleep for 12 hours.  go to #7. 

#6:  a: you find an active mouse!  it's making a shuffling noise.  you grab a large yogurt container (or a disposable container with cover that is big enough to fit the entire sticky trap in).  you put your thick gloves on (sharp teeth!  ick factor!) and place the mouse in.  you pour some vegetable oil on the surface of the sticky trap, close the lid, and observe the mouse eating the oil and working itself free.  go to a wooded area more than 1 mile away, remove the lid of the container, and your adventure ends!

OR b:  you find an active mouse, but it's not making any noise because it's pretty stuck.  maybe because two sticky traps have sandwiched it.  now taking a deep breath - and not pulling apart too hard - you add a little more oil to separate the extra trap.  you have the option of delving in with your finger tip to free the tail (only the tail!  the mouse can free the rest of itself).  go to a wooded area more than 1 mile away, remove the lid of the container, and your adventure ends!

OR c: you find a mouse that has been trapped for a while and is not well.  go to #7.

#7:  you find a dehydrated mouse that may have gnawed on its own legs in an effort to escape.  this is the worst because it probably won't survive even if you released it.  it's up to you what you think is more humane - but if you think that you won't be able to check the trap frequently, it may be kinder to go with the kill trap.  i include bait/cage traps as kill traps, but there is no guarantee that you won't end up with a badly maimed mouse.  i imagine that it would be hardest to throw a still living thing into the trash.