stretch a shrunken garment

based on a true story.  this really happened to me!

"Gaaaah! I just threw the Sportsgirl 40's Floral Dress (100% viscose) in the washing machine and it came out all horribly shrunken, like a tight top, or a dress for a four year old! Why oh why did this happen?"

the solution is to relax.  the clothing's fibers that is - a little bit of fabric softener, baby shampoo, or conditioner (all those things that usually clog the breathability of athletic apparel) added to water.  give your poor, tragic garment a quick bath and a good stretch.  with synthetics like rayon/viscose, it may be a little tougher to stretch than cotton and wool because the cloth fibers have a tendency to bunch up tightly - what i thought was weight gain was due partly to eating too much, but also my trendy h&m clothes shrinking in the humidity of hong kong.  while it may be traumatic to see when first emerging from the wash, your favorite clothes can stretch out to the right size over time through natural wear...so relax and try to stretch the garment to a wearable size.   

if you've learned your mistake too well and are afraid to re-immerse, stretching vis a vis a cooler iron works.  and yes, using your body as an iron to stretch works too.

however, sometimes in a moment of madness, we think we can get away with washing silk...if you want to stretch gently, lay the garment down on a piece of paper with an outline of the proper size drawn upon it.  then, you can use weights to slowly pull the garment to the desired dimensions.

http://www.realsimple.com/magazine-more/inside-magazine/ask-real-simple/how-to-stretch-shrunken-clothing-00000000028953/index.html

talk to customer service

sometimes it's not worth the effort to let it go...

1.  grab your speaker phone and dial the number - if you don't know a number, get human will help you find one...and they have an app for that!

2.  when the customer service rep introduces themselves, repeat their name: it's polite, and it will help you remember in case you need to follow up on a less than effective call

3.  make it easy to follow up on your order:  have your order number ready and what you'd like to remedy the issue.  if you're not sure what will make you feel better, ask what your options are!

4.  remain calm if it doesn't go your way - remember these are people who are paid to care but probably don't.  use the secret code phrase "can i speak to your supervisor/manager?":  you probably are both frustrated by the lack of remedy.

5.  if the supervisor/manager is equally ridiculous, try to avoid swearing at them while you hang up...and write an email:  written complaints are a lot harder to ignore and create accountability.

fight a parking ticket

take on that meter maid.  there's a lot more to this, and i'd love to help - 

but today i learned something excited while contesting at nyc parking ticket.

first this is not just your usual expired meter ticket.  i already paid that one (incurred the same day of awesomeness) and i noticed that the meter maid had given me a chance by noting the 1st observed time and a 2nd observation...all in all a 10 minute grace period which deserves respect.

nooooo...this is about a "no-standing'" ticket where the "officer" scanned my plate from a block away.  now, is that even possible?  while i felt like a sucker standing there while she filled out the rest of the ticket (with visions of peeling away from the curb), i now feel empowered after learning that you are allowed to stop in a no-standing zone if you are expeditiously loading.  now where was my fair chance when i accidentally parked in the zone before realizing that i had found the traffic department's golden ticket spot?

buy a mattress on sale from sleepys, the non-sucker edition

basic research online will tell you everything you need to know - it takes about 15 minutes to really settle into a mattress...so kick off your shoes and roll around - nobody will judge you and i got props from the saleslady for outlasting all the crazy customers lured in by pressure sales.  there are four major brands:  simmons, sealy's/stearns and foster, serta, tempurpedic - most make coil/innerspring mattresses with differing levels of foam or memory foam content (except for tempurpedic).   try them at a store and if you really can't convince yourself to buy it from that nice salesperson, or want to punish a pushy one, purchase it from mattresshotlineexpress.com because 1800mattress is owned by sleepys!

warranties and comfort guarantees are all reassuring, but are rendered irrelevant if you actually take the time to make sure you're getting the right mattress in the first place  - here's a few tips:

the husband perspective - go to a showroom and sleep on the beds in succession.  they are usually arranged by price so start with the cheapest and sleep your way up until you can't tell a comfort difference from the one before.

having basic criteria will make it easier to navigate a showroom - every retailer is going to have a different style name for your mattress model (googling mattress comparables on the the model your researching will help you price shop.  i particularly like the mattressexpert.typepad.com).  each retailer may carry only a few products wihin a particular line from each of the four major brands; basically there's the entry level line ($200 for a twin, $500 for a queen, $800 for a king not including delivery which is usually $100), and a midpriced range which you should aim for for about $200-$300 more, and a sucker/morbidly obese/chronic pain  line...sound familiar?  it should because that's what you'll get at ikea!  at any retailer, make sure you aren't getting the impulse entry level model - it's usually the one advertised in the flyer and is only about $50-$100 less...they are perfect examples of why you can tell if you hate a mattress in under 5 minutes.

so why not ikea?  because there's no thrill of the hunt.  so if you have the energy and drive to save $100-$150, wait for a department store sale (and max out on coupons - and don't be afraid to ask what's going on sale...a lot of stores do pre-sale in advance!) or for the truly fearless, go to sleepy's with a competitor's price which they will match or beat at 20% less (again, research your comparables online!) or for the truly bold, just walk in and brazenly offer them about 50% off the tag price.  the real trick is to not hvae buyer's remorse...yes there's always a chance that you could have saved an extra $100 but let it go...after sleeping on the perfect bed, you won't remember in a week!

sooooo.....
additional peanut gallery advice:  my husband is a light sleeper who prefers his side, i am a back/side sleeps-like-the-dead sleeper but will wake up more cranky if she doesn't get a good night's rest.  so i'll let you decide who's the better half.  to put it another way - it's the difference between sleeping on the beach and sleeping on a layer of feathers.  we compromised by looking for a bed that feels like a layer of feathers on the beach.  despite the imagery i'm sure this evokes, such things actually exist if you consider that most showroom models are 'broken in' and will arrive firmer than expected and most pillowtops will get smooshed down over time.  can't tell?  compare these pictures - the tighter woven cover even looks more rigid!

we needed a king mattress only (no box spring - raymour and flannigan and sleepy's allow for a $300 price drop, other stores like macy's can only order in sets.  BEWARE not using a box spring will void the manufacturer's warranty).  so not taking my father's advice about buying two twins (really, what does he know about making the bed convenience) because my husband and i tend to huddle together in the crack rather than sleep on opposite ends.  some people opt for a split box spring which is essentially two twin box springs underneath your king mattress for easier removal, but it is about $100 more (also available for queen size but harder to find).

i grew up on mattresses that were practical and firm, slept on boarding school beds (get to school early so you can steal an extra stained 3" mattress) with a plank of wooden underneath, and paid my dues to those rubberizd monsters in college.  i can also sleep standing up.  my only back pain was from sitting on my fat ass, and went away with exercise.  my husband has arthritis in his back from aggressive tennis playing (vis a vis an ambitious father...these were the michael chang years)  and runs a little hot.  combined we weigh about 300 pounds (you do the math, but just know pregnant i will outweigh him).

ruling out the tempurpedic (too hot), serta (the coils are not insulated so they make a racket and will bounce the other person), and stearns and foster (uses an imap system limits sales staff discretion with pricing).  that left us with a simmons classic (entry level).  so why didn't we go for the mid-range? because i'm cheap and the aestetic design differences (padded layer around circumference of mattress, grip handles) weren't worth the extra $300 - i mean, that's almost halfway towards another bed (and saves me the hassle of haggling a warranty).

grow long hair

the author, not heeding her own advice, bleached and henna-ed her hair 13 months ago.  

she is trying to make the best out of the situation.

this is more of a patience game then anything.  and the simple answer is water. drink lots of it...hair is essentially excrement.  and hot water will destroy hair  (a lesson from my male Italian roommate - learned after he walked in on me in the shower....and closed the door 30 seconds later).

here's a simple method (pick and choose steps as you prefer.  long hair is more of an aggregate thing)
* wet hair in lukewarm water.  we have the benefit of having an antiquated heating system - picture me huddled in one corner of the shower only submerging the very ends of my hair, and slowly inching into the water as it slowly warms up)

* scrub shampoo only into the roots of the hair, and rinse with warm water.  it's really only the scalp that creates grease, and you are trying to cleanse the scalp without over cleaning the strands of hair.  the suds will soap through the rest of your head.  also, try to pick a shampoo that has the right amount of lather - over bubbliness is a response to consumers who associate suds with cleanse, but it's really unnecessary.  i like cream shampoos (with oil...gasp!) but it's not ideal for thin, softer hair.

* condition...a little goes a long way.  concentrate on the tips of the hair - the secret is to use cool or even cold water - and avoid greasiness of that layer that will not only give you zits, but will also tempt you to washing your hair more than you need to.

* use a smoother.  again, a little at a time.  moroccan/argan oil is wonderful for ethnic and coarse hair like mine.  but there are lots of options - light weight mouses for example can be added in when hair is wet and allowed to air dry.

* style when damp.  blow drying the crap out of your hair is probably the worst thing you can do.  try plaits, braids, and buns for differing levels of dramatic curl.  or it can be as simple as parting your hair on a slant to get that face-framing sweep without cutting bangs.  and if you can't resist, bangs don't have to be the death knell for long hair enthusiasts...a blunter, thicker bang will actually grow out much better than whispy fringe.

* talk to your hair cutter/stylist/barber.  tell them you are growing your hair out!!   if you really feel like a trim is a waste of money, cheat on your stylist with a student hair cut or a discount chain - BUT tell them you want a trim, specify length in inches and forbid them from trying anything experimental or new.  now is not the time to play it cool - you've already invested a lot of time and energy into your mane.

grow things with a black thumb

beginning with useful things:
give up on veggies, focus on two plants that compliment the cooking kitchen - italian or french.

top to bottom: thyme, organic basil

no worrying about insects or constant care, mother nature can take care of these until the winter.

david austin roses

 

roses can be a daring adventure but not if you plan correctly.  buy them from a reputable place - they will know which are best and hardy enough for your climate zone, what's best for your purposes (hedges, climbing, or ground cover) and may have a 1 year guarantee! 

the hardest part is picking a location - the right soil will be loose enough for the short roots of roses and can be tilled easily.  it will also get plenty of sun, plenty of light...and plenty of deer??

hopefully not.

avoid being 'that girl' at reunion

 

 i love my high school.  

i love going to reunions - the atmosphere of awkwardness, pubescent glances, but don't forget the giddiness!  i dumped an entire plate of food on my best friend.

so here's some tips to maximize those few hours before everyone gets too drunk too fast and realizes that they aren't as young as they used to be:

* always bring a friend.  probably someone who has a similar goal in mind (there are a few competing ones: mate hunting, ex-shunning, networking, aggressive networking, or like us, just ensuring our progeny have a fighting chance of surviving the admissions process).

* eat, yes.  especially like me, if you can't drink and they won't give you a discount on the ticket, resist the impulse to be fabulously tardy and go early to make sure you can eat something without having to talk to people with a mouth full of food.

* look happy.  or your picture will never be in the alumni magazine.  diversity is a plus.

* practice a pleasant smile.  you will need to glue it to your face while walking around with unfocused eyes.  

* say hello to everyone.  think you'll recognize most people 15 years out?  but that doesn't mean you get a pass, no no no.  let's leave the drama behind, and greet everyone.  after all, isn't it nice to leave high school behind you?  and you can always make fun of the ones who were freaked out by your non-bitchiness/new-found straightness later!